Empty Space Blog

 

I remind myself it will get easier, in time. We are still getting to know one another and feeling out our family dynamic. My youngest is a mere 20 months out of the womb, she is a curiosity machine: asserting her independence, observing her world, and absorbing everything. My eldest (and only other) child, is four and a half and is as clever and imaginative as a July day is long.

 

I certainly believed that by this point I would be creating full-time and that my kids would be in part-time care. I could not have foreseen the strange series of events that has brought us here. 

I have spent so much time wishing for this to be different, that is a lot of time I wish I’d spent doing anything more enjoyable.

Today, I caught myself at it again. Upset with myself and blaming circumstance, mentally listing all the awful events I could think of. Lately, I’d stop there and chastise myself for being morose. Today, instead, I simply wrote: ‘Mistaken Belief: I am defined by my circumstances.’ The hilarity of that statement was immediately apparent in that moment. I am not merely the sum of my circumstances, I am defined by my choices, my ethics, my dedication, my loyalty, my humour… et cetera.

My day improved immeasurably.

The simple act of writing something down or saying it out loud can be very centering. And when I am centered, I can handle anything. 

I am proud to report that this little pity party is over and instead I had a full and fantastic day. I am feeling accomplished *and* madly in love with my kids, tantrums and all.

Kate Harris is a mom, partner, writer, blogger (http://idyllia.blogspot.com/) and all-around creative chick. You can read more about her on our bio page at http://emptyspaceblog.net/bio/